I watched her buzz about from morning until evening. I was visiting with my husband and could not believe the energy my sister had. She is four years younger than me. Her house is clean and tidy, her granddaughter is well taken care of, her husband feels loved, and she has two adult children living at home. And to add to the mix a dog and two cats to care for.
I had mixed emotions as I watched her. I was jealous and proud. Jealous, because she seems to have it all together and it makes me feel like I never will. I am proud of her, because she does seem to have the ability to be self-disciplined. She was in the military, raised three children (well maybe four if I count her husband). She worked as a prison guard in a prison. She home-schooled her children all the way through high school. And now she has taken on the responsibility of caring for her granddaughter who lives there too as well as two additional children of which she gets paid.
In addition, she keeps up with learning new things and is able to discuss controversial issues in a polite and respectful manner. I can tell though she would not be easily swayed from her own values, but she listens. She also has a faith as do I and continues to strengthen it everyday.
We talked about how she feels about caring for her granddaughter and all her other responsibilities and she shared how caring for her granddaughter, requires her to be “on” all the time. She would love to have more time in the evening to relax. She also wanted to go back to school and has put that on hold.
I would love to have her boundless energy. She is even cheerful, not that she doesn’t get frustrated, but she handles it well when she does. I sometimes feel like the younger sister instead of the oldest. Perhaps if I joined the military like her and my other sister did, I would be disciplined, a self-starter and not live with anxiety. My personality is different though. I am more quiet and reserved, contemplative, creative, sensitive to the needs of others, a feeler, and insightful.
I could spend the rest of my life wanting to be like her or I could be thankful to the Creator who made me into the person I am today. I am the only one who can change what I think about myself and all the wishing and hoping and even praying will not make me into a twin of my sister. She was given her gifts and strengths and I was given mine. For now I’ll be grateful and pray I continue to appreciate who God made me to be.